Birthdays

New Years Eve and Birthdays bring the same thing for me. Reflection and hope. What have I been doing? Where am I going? How do I get there? I used to love my birthday. Started celebrating it as soon as it was March. So what happened to me? This year my birthday has been the lamest of all time. All day today I have been thinking - it's my birthday and I will cry if I want too! It's not that I am worried about getting older, hardly. I think it might be that I havent grown up yet.

Time to grow up, take control, and get out of this funk I have spent the last four years in. I am not incompetent. I am not the screw up of all screw ups. I made mistakes but people make mistakes. Maybe, just maybe, its time to forgive myself. Maybe then I wont stand in my own way.

Today I turned 35 and realized I need to grow up.