Easier said than done...

I thought I was coming out of my funk. Maybe I was wrong. I know I have to kick my own ass and get moving. I really have to get to it! I know what I want to do, how do I make myself do it? I am going to start with daily rants on my blog, that will help!

A few months ago I was in a real bad way. I ran into someone that I used to work for, trust, and thought of as a friend and mentor. I was wrong and he, along with my other supervisors, sacrificed me (and ran me over several times with the bus) to save themselves. I really have come to grips with what happened, and I am moving past it. But running into him, talking to him and acting like we are still friends was very hard for me. That night I really broke down. What I am doing with my life! How am I going to find happiness and passion for something. I have been running on auto pilot for a long time. I did something that night that I hadn't done since I was a kid. I got down on my knees and asked God for help. I asked Him to please help me find clarity and a direction for myself. A passion for something in MY life, not my kids or husband but something for me to be passionate and enthusiastic about. Help me get my life going so I can be a better wife, mom and friend. I lost my job and I lost myself. There are parts of this change that I am happy about, I am thrilled that I am able to help out at my kids school and be more involved in their lives. But I lost myself along the way, and I need to find me. I did not expect anything more to come from this prayer. Why would God listen to me when I am a part timer only praying when I need or want something. But it made me feel a little better.

The next day my older brother called me and we were talking. He mentioned that he needed to get a website built for his company, but was having trouble doing it. I asked him if he would like me to take a shot at it and he said if I had time that would be great and if there was a way to get website domain emails that would be fantastic. That afternoon I built my first website, it is a really simple website and nothing special. But FINALLY I felt like I had accomplished something. I DID IT! Maybe I am not the total screw up that I was made out to be. Maybe I can do something. So then I started a blog, keeping it to myself because I have been the subject of public discourse before and I am still not interested in getting my self out to far in the public arena. I have built a couple more websites since then, and a blog for someone else. I am excited about doing websites, I have ideas for this and I just need to get busy working on it. Find a way to survive and earn a living. I have PASSION! And I have no doubt at all that this is all a result of my prayer. I can't go so far as to say that God intervened in my life, but I do believe that my prayer gave me the ability to clarify what was missing in my life. And I try to remember to pray every night. Taking the time to tell God what I am thankful for, what I need help with and what I want out of my life. When it comes right down to it, we are all responsible for our own lives. It is about time I realized I am the only person holding me back. I just hope that I can get out of my own way!!!

Getting moving

I am coming out of my little self pity party. It has been a hard few months (I know - for everyone!) but feeling sorry about it and crying "why me?" is sure not getting me anywhere. For the first time in years I know what I want to be doing. Dare I say I even have a passion for what I want to be doing? I think I do. But how do I make it pay? Not get rich, just enough to say I have an income and maybe take a trip once a year. That's not too much to ask is it?

I am going to really try to focus on getting my business up and running and generating income. It has become a very broad business and I will have to reign some of it in I am sure, but I know I am on the right path FOR ME. And I have already had success, just not monetary success. So if I really want to make this a business I better start treating it like a business. Come up with a plan and execute.

Years ago I took a wrong turn and turned into someone that really wasn't me. I don't know what I would do if I could go back knowing what I know now. I have met some dear friends that I will always love and hate the thought of not having them in my life, but this has been a hard road. Of course every thing happens for a reason and I am who I am today because of what has happened in the past. So I wouldn't change, but I would certainly do things differently!

Now it is time to be me and turn this around. I know I can. After all, in the Fourth Grade Mrs. Clute did give me the "I'll Do It Award" ( and yes I still have it!). Boy I do wish she hadn't retired last year, I miss our talks! But she was right then, and I will do it now!

Birthdays

New Years Eve and Birthdays bring the same thing for me. Reflection and hope. What have I been doing? Where am I going? How do I get there? I used to love my birthday. Started celebrating it as soon as it was March. So what happened to me? This year my birthday has been the lamest of all time. All day today I have been thinking - it's my birthday and I will cry if I want too! It's not that I am worried about getting older, hardly. I think it might be that I havent grown up yet.

Time to grow up, take control, and get out of this funk I have spent the last four years in. I am not incompetent. I am not the screw up of all screw ups. I made mistakes but people make mistakes. Maybe, just maybe, its time to forgive myself. Maybe then I wont stand in my own way.

Today I turned 35 and realized I need to grow up.

School Bell Times and POOR communication

Last Thursday it was brought to the attention of our school PTA Board that the Seattle School District is planning on changing the start time of K-8 schools to 8:00am. This decision is apparently a done deal, although they are appeasing people by pretending that the decision is not "made" yet. I have real problems with this decision for many differing reasons. But my biggest problem - they are planning on making this change and have not done any real work at publicly announcing the plans. People are and have been touring and enrolling in schools for next year. They have been making decisions based upon the information that the schools, and PTA's have been giving them. Did any of these parents get the information about the planned schedule change? Our school is one of the schools that will be changed to an 8:00 am start. What about the parents that chose our school specifically because of the later start time for middle school? How about the parents that chose our Kindergarten program, when they could have chosen a different school if they had known about the time? And yes, what about me? I don't want to have to get my kids up and going at 7am. They already go to bed at 8pm and have a hard time waking up at 8am. But I dont get to have the information in time to consider a different school.


And the School District and School Board wonder why parents are so FRUSTRATED with the Seatte School District. Does anyone know how to get into Shoreline?

No more excuses

I keep finding ways to sabotage myself or distract myself or give myself excuses. NO MORE! I have to put myself first, but it sure is hard!

That said - I am going to get back to this. I am going to get my own website up and running. I have spent a lot of time working on other sites (for free) but I have been ignoring my own priorities. Although these other sites have taught me a lot and given me a confidence I have lacked for along time - I have to learn to prioritize!

So time to get going on my own ideas... But in the meantime feel free to see what else I have been up to:
www.apexnwllc.com
www.broadviewthomsonpta.com
www.seniorladiesrock.blogspot.com

Where does the time go?

Do you ever wonder how it got to be this late in the week/month/year? I can not believe that it is almost March. I haven't forgotten or given up on blogging here. In fact I have missed it! But with no school last week and a major commitment I took on for my kids school PTA, I just have not had the time! But I am going to start making the time again. Right after I run to the grocery store and finish cleaning up around the house (priorities and all that). I look forward to getting back to blogging and working on my web business! It is so inspiring to actually have a purpose to my time on the computer. It took me so long to find a purpose, I am excited to finally get going on creating my business!

Where was this McCain last fall?

Gateway Pundit has a post quoting John McCain speaking to the Senate regarding the Stimulus bill. I hadn't thought of it this way - and I have seen many different charts and examples people have made regarding how much money this is and how it could be better spent. But this really brings it home. What are we going to get for our money? Here is what McCain had to say:

"I'll tell you how we got here, Mr. President. We got here here by the Speaker of the House saying, "We won, so we wrote the bill." That's not what the years I've been here is called bipartisanship. So without the votes of 11 democrats and without the votes of a single Republican the bill emerged from the other body and came over here... The bill was written with negligible input from this side of the aisle.

So what are we up to now? We are up to approximately one trillion dollars... The Congressional Budget Office yesterday said that this legislation would increase employment by the end of the 4th quarter of 2010 by 1.3 million to 3.9 million jobs... I did the math... A 1.2 trillion dollar bill, 3 million jobs, is $923,997 for each job.

...Maybe we should go back to the beginning here.

They wont go back to the beginning, they will shove this through and we will be in debt for years because of this. All they really need to do is mail each of us a check with a disclaimer that if we cash this check we must spend at least 75% of the money right away in the United States (paying mortgages, buy televisions, cars, something). That would sure help everyone - businesses, homeowners in trouble, and people like me that would like to buy a new car but can't really afford it right now (and I don't really need it - just want it). Although I would most likely head to Disneyland if this happened, helping the airlines, hotels, rental cars, restaurants and entertainment industry. But NOOOO that would not give the government control of the money to dole it out as they see fit.